Tips and Tricks for Attending Gatherings this Holiday Season: Werewolf Edition

Navigating the holidays with dietary restrictions can be difficult, but with a little preparation and determination you can still hold on to those human holiday traditions you’ve always loved. Just because you sometimes want to eat your friends, doesn’t mean you have to avoid their company. Here are some helpful tips and tricks to get you through your next holiday dinner party.

1. Eat ahead of time. Never arrive at a party hungry. Unless this is some full moon Wolf-orgy you’re attending, it is unlikely your host has been thoughtful enough to consider your very specific dietary needs. Hunger will hinder your inhibitions, tempting you to eat someone you normally wouldn't. Nothing is more awkward than having to explain to your host why you just ate her best friend Karen halfway through the White Elephant gift exchange. Do everyone a favor and have a snack before you leave home.

2. Bring your own dish. If you don’t want to be the one person who isn’t eating at dinner, consider bringing your own dish to enjoy. Now is the time to flex your culinary muscles and show off those Pinterest recipes you’ve been perfecting all year. Sure, you may be substituting them with human flesh, but damn that roast Christmas ‘ham’ has never looked so good.

3. Label your food. For the love of all that is holy, label your food! Yes, you put in hours of effort to make your long pork dish look beautiful and appetizing, but no one wants to accidentally turn their friends into cannibals. Make sure your dish is clearly labeled as yours and yours alone, or better yet, keep your dish separated from the rest of the food. If you need privacy to nosh on that sweet, sweet people-meat, no one will judge if you find a dark closet or quiet bathroom to eat in peace. Ok, maybe they’ll judge. But it beats the alternative. Seriously, it's

like eating turkey at a table full of live turkeys, mournfully watching you chow down on their late uncle Ted. Just take the ridicule of being known as ‘that weirdo who eats in the bathroom.’

4. Don’t be afraid to say NO. Everyone is going to try and push their favorite holiday dishes in your face and beg you to try them. Trust me, it isn’t worth it. Regular food just doesn’t hold the same appeal it once did and too much of it is going to make your people cravings even worse. Just say no, politely. If Kevin doesn’t get the hint and insists you absolutely must try his ‘death by chocolate’ cake, you have permission to hunt him down later and give him a piece of your mind. Or, what the hell, have a piece of his mind. Party-going is exhausting business, you’ve earned this.

5. Avoid overindulging. I’m not even sure if werewolves can gain the holiday 20, but avoid overeating, nonetheless. Overfull stomachs will absolutely need to be emptied one way or the other and regurgitating 20 pounds of George onto your host’s immaculate plush white carpet is not going to win you any points. For everyone’s best interest, pace yourself.